


some things never change

by caimani



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Alzheimer's Disease, Fluff, Immortals, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 20:52:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16071113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caimani/pseuds/caimani
Summary: Like the way I say "I love you."





	some things never change

**Author's Note:**

> title is from California (The Way I Say I Love You) by Good Charlotte. I highly recommend listening to that while reading this fic

Jawn sits in his car for a minute after turning off the engine. His chest feels like it’s full of butterflies and spiders all at once. He glances in the rearview mirror, and for a moment, he frowns at the sight of his face. 

Last night he dyed his hair orange. It felt like… like it might help. Or at least, it might bring back some nice memories. He can always hope.

Jawn finally steps out of the car and walks across the small parking lot to the entrance. There’s a couple sitting outside the door in rocking chairs. They smile and wave at Jawn as he reaches for the door handle.

For a second, he envies them. 

Before he can let that thought linger in his mind, he pushes the door open. The receptionist, Amy, sees him and beams. 

“Good morning!” she says. 

“Good morning,” Jawn says with a smile. He holds up his key ring, with the heart-shaped key fob dangling from it. 

Amy nods. “You know the way. It’s been quiet back there today. Hope it’s a nice visit.”

Jawn hopes so too.

It’s a familiar route back to a familiar door with a familiar sign on it that reads ‘Memory Care’. Jawn puts his key fob to the pad and there’s a beep as the lock opens.

He recognizes the first nurse he sees, an older woman named Maria. She’s sitting on a couch in front of the television in the main living area, between two ladies intently watching a game show. As Maria turns and waves at Jawn, one of them yells out the answer to the question on the show.

“Hello, Jawn!” Maria calls. 

“Who?” one of the ladies on the couch says. Jawn thinks her name is Kathleen. He doesn’t recognize the other one; she must be new. 

“It’s Awsten’s friend,” Maria says to Kathleen. She pats the old woman’s arm. “I’ll be right back, okay? You two keep watching, you’re nailing these questions.”

“I went on Jeopardy once,” Kathleen says smugly, poking at the newer woman. Her companion doesn’t respond.

Maria crosses the short distance to Jawn with a kind smile on her face. She lowers her voice as she starts speaking again. “He’s been really quiet this morning,” she says. “Yesterday the barber was here, so he had a haircut and a shave. I think that might have worn him out.”

Jawn nods. He bites his lip as he thinks about how much it used to take to wear Awsten out. A hell of a lot more than walking down to the salon to get his haircut, that’s for sure. Then again, Jawn can also imagine Awsten complaining to the nurses and barber endlessly and tiring himself out that way.

Jawn rubs his hands together nervously. “Is he, um. How’s he been since last time?”

Maria sighs and pats Jawn’s shoulder. “Since Monday? Well… he’s--he’s still not coming out to be around other people. Likes to stay in his room more than he should. I’ve been trying what you said, but he gets upset when I keep at it too long.”

Jawn’s heart sinks at the news. He glances down the hall, at where Awsten’s door is firmly shut. 

“I might have another idea,” he says. “I brought him something; I’ll get it from my car later.”

Maria nods. Then she smiles again. “He always does so well whenever you visit. If you stay for dinner, I’m sure he’ll be very happy.”

“Yeah, I’ll stay,” Jawn says. He pauses, and then starts walking down the hall. “I’ll get him out. Maybe I’ll convince him to get some sunshine.”

Maria laughs. “He does need that.”

Jawn doesn’t let the heaviness set in this time. He goes straight to Awsten’s door and opens it. Sure enough, like Maria said, Awsten is sitting on his bed, staring at a notebook with a pen in his hand. It’s one of the notebooks he’s been writing in since before he moved into this place. 

Awsten looks up when Jawn enters. For a horribly long moment, his gaze is uninterested and even annoyed. No recognition whatsoever. Jawn struggles to swallow the lump in his throat.

Maybe orange wasn’t the right color. Tears threaten to collect at the corners of his eyes. 

Then Awsten blinks and his expression relaxes. “Jawn,” he says, his voice dry in the way it gets when he hasn’t had enough water to drink.

Jawn quickly wipes the moisture away from his eyes and sits down on the bed next to Awsten. “Hey, Awsten. I brought you your favorite orange juice.” He reaches into his bag and takes out a large glass bottle.

“Thank fuck,” Awsten says, taking it immediately. “They’ve only got the shittiest tasting crap here. I keep telling them to get the real stuff, but they think the stuff they have here is fine. Idiots.”

Awsten’s hand is steady as he breaks the seal and starts drinking straight from the bottle. Jawn looks down at the notebook that Awsten’s set aside. 

“What have you been writing?” he says. 

Awsten quickly shuts the notebook. “It’s not done yet. I lost my train of thought when they kept knocking on the door. Tell them to stop doing that. I just want to be left alone. They won’t listen to me when I tell them.”

Jawn takes Awsten’s hand and holds it. Awsten’s skin is soft now, although if Jawn closes his eyes he can still imagine the feeling of calluses from decades of playing guitar. For small crowds, concert halls, stadiums, and sometimes just Jawn, in the privacy of their home. The imprint of music may not be as evident on his body anymore, but they’re still clear on his soul. And in Jawn’s countless photographs, safely stored in photo albums.

Jawn takes a deep breath and looks Awsten in the eye. “You shouldn’t be in here all the time,” he starts. “Why don’t you write out in the courtyard? It’s nice and quiet out there. There’s a butterfly bush.”

Awsten groans loudly. “You’re trying to get me to socialize. I don’t want to socialize. Not here anyway.”

Jawn strokes the back of Awsten’s hand carefully. “Alright. You don’t have to go out all the time. But maybe just today? It’s a nice day right now.” He reaches over to Awsten’s window and opens it a crack to let in some air. The window faces the pond at the back of the nursing home. Through it, they can see a few ducks swimming in the pond. 

Awsten sighs, but in that overly dramatic way that Jawn loves. “Ugh. Fine.” He sets his orange juice down on his bedside table and pushes himself off the bed. Before they leave the room, he leans close to Jawn and whispers, “Tell them to let me out back. The courtyard is too small.”

Jawn nods. He’s sure the nurses on duty will let them out. Maria definitely will, and hopefully the other person back here will be okay with it.

He and Awsten walk down the short hallway, past nooks in the wall filled with items meant to stimulate and engage residents with memory problems. A typewriter, a window seat full of folded laundry, a sewing machine. Awsten ignores it all as they walk to the main living area.

Jawn notices that the new lady on the couch has moved to the small kitchenette and is staring into the open refrigerator. Maria is standing next to her, suggesting things in a soft voice. 

The other nurse on duty is another one who’s very used to Jawn’s visits: a young man named Travis. He’s nothing like the Travis that Awsten and Jawn used to know, and Jawn knows it bugs Awsten whenever he manages to remember the man’s name. 

“Hey, can we spend some time outside?” Jawn says, still holding Awsten’s hand. “In the back?”

Travis hesitates, but when he sees the challenging glare on Awsten’s face, he breaks. “Yeah, I just need to override the door,” he says. 

“That one is no good,” Awsten says in a stage whisper as they follow Travis to the back door. “Can’t believe he’s any kind of medical person. Straight out of high school, probably. I bet he can’t even grow a beard.”

Travis’s shaking shoulders indicate that he heard exactly what Awsten said. He holds the door open for Awsten and Jawn, and they exit into warm sunshine and a gentle breeze. Awsten brightens up noticeably, and Jawn nudges him.

“See? The sun’s good for you.”

“Shut up,” Awsten snaps, although he’s clearly happy to be outside. 

They walk down the sidewalk to the pond, to a smooth wooden bench overlooking the view. Awsten sits down and his grip tightens on Jawn’s hand. Jawn leans against him, his heart swelling with love. He looks up at Awsten, smiling faintly while watching the ducks swim in the pond.

With his free hand, he goes for his bag to get his camera. 

But Awsten notices. His face falls. “Don’t,” he says, reaching across to stop Jawn. 

“I just want to remember this moment,” Jawn says.

Awsten’s face tightens. “I don’t look good anymore.”

Jawn frowns. “What? Who said that? You look amazing.”

Awsten lets go of Jawn’s hand and pulls Jawn’s bag into his lap. He curls his arms around it, and hunches over it. “I’m… I don’t look good. I know what I look like, Jawn. You still look the same, and I know why--I haven’t forgotten that yet.”

Jawn’s heart sinks. He pauses, and then reaches for the bag again. “I want to remember this, though.”

“Remember what?” Awsten grumbles, twisting the bag out of Jawn’s reach. “Me being old and forgetting everything and not even--”

“How much I love you,” Jawn says. He lifts his hands up to turn Awsten’s face towards his. He kisses Awsten’s lips gently. His hands reach up to comb through Awsten’s hair, softer than it ever was in his youth, and still thick even though it’s turned white. The barber did a good job taking care of one of the physical qualities Awsten still obsesses over.

Jawn’s eyes are wet when he draws back. “I love you, Awsten,” he says. 

“I love you,” Awsten whispers. He leans towards Jawn and kisses him back, soft and sweet and as lovely as the first, hundredth, and ten thousandth time they kissed. Jawn commits this one to memory too, even though he’s long since lost count of how many they’ve shared.

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Jawn says suddenly, taking Awsten’s hands in his again. “But I brought your old acoustic guitar. I finally tracked it down. And I’ve got a keyboard too. I don’t think both the keyboard and the guitar will both fit in your room, but we can set up the keyboard in the living area, if that’s okay with you. And… sorry. If this is a lot all at once.”

Awsten is crying. He suddenly pulls Jawn into a tight embrace. “You… you found my guitar? Where was it?”

Jawn rubs Awsten’s back comfortingly. “At a Hard Rock Cafe. I convinced them it was a fake, and then talked them into selling it to me.”

Awsten sighs. “I don’t know how good I’ll be. It’s been… a while since I played.”

“That’s fine,” Jawn says. “I love anything you play.”

“I can’t really sing anymore.”

Jawn slaps playfully at Awsten’s shoulder. “Well maybe you can’t scream like you used to, but you can still sing. Here, when we go back inside, I’ll go to my car and bring it right in. I’ll ask Maria to find a place for the keyboard and we can play some songs together. You and me.”

Awsten relaxes into Jawn’s side. “I like that. I’ve… I’ve missed that. Missed you. And music.”

Jawn takes Awsten’s hand again. “I’m sorry.”

Awsten is silent for a moment. “I’ve been forgetting more things,” he says. Jawn knows, that’s the reality of Alzheimer’s, he’s been hearing it from doctors for years now, but hearing it from Awsten is a completely different pain. 

Awsten continues, “I’ve been writing things down. The things I remember us doing. Writing it into a song for you.”

Jawn is tearing up again. “Is that what you were working on? Earlier?”

Awsten turns his face to Jawn’s and presses a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll play it for you later. Soon. I’ll practice. Get my guitar back and it’ll be done soon.”

Jawn nods. He kisses Awsten back. “I can’t wait to hear it.”

Awsten scoffs. “Well, you’ll have to wait. It’s gotta be perfect for you.”

Anything you sing is perfect for me, Jawn wants to say. He just cuddles up closer to Awsten and looks at the ducks in the pond. He loses track of time for a bit, watching the ducks swim aimlessly and enjoying the warmth of the sun and the pleasant coolness of the breeze. When he turns to look at Awsten to say something, he finds that Awsten’s eyes have shut. He’s fallen asleep against Jawn’s side.

Jawn smiles and carefully takes his camera out of his bag to take a picture.

**Author's Note:**

> I guess some explanation for this? Jawn is immortal and Awsten is a former musician who has now grown old and has Alzheimer's. (He's in a nursing home because those are able to give the medical care and assistance that family can't always provide. While no nurse has the same love as a spouse or a family member, most of them do care very much for the residents. I worked in a nursing home for a while, and a lot of people there were wonderful.) 
> 
> Dementia is very complicated, and very tragic at times, but individuals with dementia still have a lot of love in their hearts for the people they do remember. Music especially is something that people with memory issues can still remember even into the last stage of dementia. 
> 
> Sorry I had to write a sad jawsten fic right after that cute one. If you want you can imagine Awsten gets reincarnated or something.


End file.
